I seem to take a particular,
non-overboard,
flavor of offense
overtly ordinary in it's openness,
when I see someone acting out some bullshit or other
like
we're not all here in the room,
and like
we're not all paying attention to the
inappropriate misappropriation
(redundant? is there ever a time when
misappropriation is appropriate?)
-- Misappropriation? --
of the moment
by corralling the attention(s) available
in the room
for the personal fulfillment
of some ego-based need.
So I process the feelings
that are produced in me
by it,
my personal gourmet blend of offense --
equal parts taking my "self" too seriously,
and not seriously enough --
my emotional reaction cocktail,
my mixture of mechanical machinations,
as it were
(or maybe it's
that I'm only now
becoming aware of
latent feelings
that were produced in me
by some other 'it'
years gone by
by now)
sitting silently,
bearing the behavior
by observing the behavior,
and its effect on the current setting
and its constituents
(including myself),
while this particular ego
(get thee behind me Satan,
and all that business)
attempts to bend the world,
and all of us in it,
to its will
-- I hesitate to use the word 'ego', in fact;
I find loathing in here for it,
the word,
and maybe the thing,
the only way an ego can
but it does seem
to most accurately describe
the event of possession
(demonic,
or otherwise,
depending upon your perspective
egoi'cally')
of an individual's selfness
in the moment
in relation to the surrounding area,
and all parties involved
by way of protecting,
like some so-called super hero
headed up
some so-called slippery slope,
a non-causal,
already broken,
heart
chagrin implied
by way of this particular ego -- will unfold
all of its strategies for obtaining
what it needs from the environment
given time and understanding
(compassionate, or no) --
in truth, we're all doing that at some level
(bending the world around us to our will),
otherwise,
it's my belief,
none of this would even be here,
positing,
or maybe pointing out,
or maybe citing,
that the only existence that exists
is a relational one:
I exist,
because
it
exists,
maybe...?
It's then that I realize
I must do it too,
in my own way.
Why else would I react at all?
there would be no cause for offense
if no one were horning in on my game
Wait,
why would I be playing a game..?